“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”
-Steve Maraboli

They said I had to speak from the heart, speak my truth.
The other side keeps asking if this is only about me, not you.
How long will I make the past infect my future?
I don’t know where I’m going, what’s with all the fucking questions.
So let me explain, let me break it down to brass tacks.
The love I had for the shame married me to the loss.
Back then I was young, I never cared about the cost.
It’s been nine damn years but the fact is, I never pried away.
I kept these wounds perfectly fresh.
Until now.
It sickens me to think that what I gave you was my best.
Ask me what’s changed, the answer is everything.
Ask me for details, I’ll soldier on against better judgment.
See back then I was foolish, I lived like I had nine lives.
Instead of realizing I was traveling down the back nine.
To stop the impending end, hit the brakes, say this is all I can take.
I’m going to die before I learn that there is more I can make.
To admit that the high I was chasing brought me the lowest I’ve been.
I’d rather be burned alive before I ever dive back in.
I began to unravel, slammed back down into the dirt and gravel.
What energy I had left was put into cleaning up my side of the street.
Started sweeping the blood stained guilt off the concrete.
I began to see a clearer image unfold.
Like this nine year story had never been told.
What I did was take this loss and make it my own.
I took it away from you to feed my fixation.
I’m learning to give it back, let my heart be at ease.
Against everything screaming in my head to never leave.
I have to go, I have to learn how to grieve.
I have to bleed out all this poison to make room for you.
Give me a sense of purpose, give me a different view.
I’m picking up the pieces, something I believe you yearned for.
And I swear I’m finally done with this abhorrent war.
Trying to make something of myself, someone who finally visits your grave.
I’m sorry, my friend, that it took so long but now I’ll be brave.
Ask me what’s changed, the answer is everything.
Ask me for details, and I begin to let go.

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